Can I tell you about my ex?

It kills me inside to see her happy with some other guy. I know she remembers me, but not in the good way. Probably still has all the poems and letters I sent her when I was angry. I'm not asking to be felt sorry for I just wanted to vent and get it in the open. I'd sell my soul and everything just become famous, have her back, or just not care anymore. I know I should move on but I still think about her before I go to sleep. What would do if I woke up and I was back in the past. I'd never cheat, liar, or just be stupid. I'd say sweet things and pick her a flower every day. Tell everyone about her and my dreams of always being beside her. I know deep down I'll always love her, but she'll never feel the same. I remember when we're Sopres and I use to be cool with all our teachers. Chilled in everyone's cl room and would just talk about silly things. But when things slipped up I couldn't even talk to her. When I came back to school to visit all the teachers they asked me about her. I didn't really know what to say besides she's living across the ocean. Now days I just smoke weed in a blacklight room with the tv off and the weed blazing- damn I hate what I have become. As I look around me I lost friends fighting over her. What's worse when I look around me all my exs that hated me are either with guys that abuse them or pregnet by some dude hey barely know- I think I'm the one who pushed them there. And the night she called to she back in Texas but about to leave back across the ocean- she asked me did I keep any of promises. For the first I didn't lie and said no even though I couldn't breath from hearing her voice. Now I just sit in a glowing room rolling weed and trying to think of ways to become famous. I tried to write a book about us- but I just got angry and trashed it. I sold some poetry but I got paid in pennies and no one really cared. So I sung a song but it came out weird- cause it was to scared for her to hear it and ignore it. Every morning I pray to god that she'll come back to me, and every night I call for the devil to take my pain and give me something to win her back. But deep down I already know, she is happy with another in another place I can't even remember. Glad I have kid cudi and close friends or I think I might just end it. Family problems are to crazy and barely see anyone anymore. My cousin that use to be so tight are off or grieving about things. I never really looked for my father or his side of the family, that was another broken promise. So I decided I'd change everything. Change my name- (name) Vexed Poet- and that I would leave across the ocean and feed hungry little children. I doubt anyone really notice the outcast in the family disappeared, and my friends no I'm crazy so they'd support me. But for now I sit in a room with my brother doing **** I hate just so I can forget about her and all my problems. I know somewhere in the world someone is going through something worse, so I'll end it here with a thanks if you reed this. If you see someone that will give me a chance at anything to be famous let me know and I'll take it.